Watch out Howard Schultz, you asshole. McDreamy is in town.
When I started this blog I never thought in a million years that I’d use the word McDreamy. I never thought it would be in a headline, and I never thought I’d be writing about coffee. Patrick Dempsey, who plays Dr. McDreamy on Grey’s Anatomy has snatched Tully’s from the jaws of another local coffee conglomerate: Starbucks.
If you’re like me, when the Sonics left you dug your heels pretty deep into the dirt of discontent. I haven’t intentionally had a cup of Starbucks coffee since the team left (I unknowingly downed a cup of their brew one time, but I felt awful about it and made my hosts who gave me the coffee feel awful about it). I’ve guilted my family, my girlfriend, some of her family, and some of my co-workers into joining my boycott of Howard Schultz’s enterprise.
Because I don’t blame Clay Bennett. What Bennett did isn’t materially different from what Chris Hansen and his group are trying to do with the Sacramento Kings, which is to bring a team to an eager fanbase in their hometown.
I blame David Stern. I blame Greg Nickels. I blame other local politicians. Most of all though, I blame Howard Schultz.
And Dempsey placed the winning bid against competition that included Starbucks for the entire Tully’s Coffee franchise as the Seattle-based bean roasters toil into bankruptcy.
This is particularly convenient for me, because while I like to support my local small businesses, I have a Tully’s across the street from my apartment building, and my local favorites aren’t open on Sundays. The next closest option is Seattle’s Best Coffee, which is a fancy name for Starbucks. No seriously, fuck those guys, they’re owned by Starbucks.
So McDreamy owns Tully’s now. It sounds all symmetrical and poetic, because Grey’s Anatomy is based in Seattle, but if you’ve ever watched that show for a half-hour—about how much time I’ve ever devoted to it—you realize that it’s the most stripped down generic city possible with Seattle as a conveniently obscure city to be named after.
The true poetry though is that not only did McDreamy win a complaint made by Starbucks about his winning bid actually being lower than the Green Machine’s, he also penned this tremendous tweet:
With that I’ll leave you with a quote from my favorite comedian Louis C.K., who had this to say about Starbucks in his 2008 special “Chewed Up”
I don’t like Starbucks anymore cause you go there and they – they don’t care anymore, they just press a button and some old lady’s diarrhea comes out and they give it to you.
Some old lady’s diarrhea indeed.