The Mariners won’t Win a Game in Fenway this Year

The Mariners won’t win a game in Fenway Park this year. We know that now. I mean, knowing that they’d only play two games there it seemed reasonably likely, but now we know for sure. Unless of course both the Mariners and Red Sox make the playoffs, which it seems significantly more likely that neither team will make the playoffs.

Which seems to have become the successful barometer quite early in the season. We seem to have forgotten that this is exactly what we thought was going to happen. And in seasons like this I think this is my job. To keep things level headed. Sure I get mad and swear, and I laugh, and you get bored, but that’s what my job is, even if there are a couple sarcastic F-Bombs thrown in.

It’s your job to say “fuck you Casey! We’re mad!” and then I say “Hey man, sure Justin Smoak’s recent resurgence is a myth created by those who adore batting average as a comprehensive metric, but fucking Jesus Montero, that guy’s good.” And you say “we’re still mad” and I say “this year was about progress, it’s like a 162-game tryout for a spot among the core of the Mariners future” and you say “Prince Fielder hits homeruns” and I tell you to shut up.

Then we come back tomorrow.

This year is going to be a roller coaster. Some stuff is going to be really bad and ugly. Eventually some veterans and some young players will be sent packing, whether that is to Tacoma or to some place like Baltimore, we’ll find out.

But we can still have fun. I’m excited as shit to see Kyle Seager over a full season. I’m excited to see if Dustin Ackley ends up in left field or center field. Or if Francisco Martinez becomes the team’s future third baseman or future center fielder.

Here’s the thing, people like my Uncle Bob (there you are again) view this rebuilding as something that’s been going on for years. That’s not true. Bill Bavasi couldn’t figure out his ass from his elbows. He couldn’t decide if he was hanging onto the Mariners top prospects or trading them for fucking Ben Broussard and Eduardo Perez. EDUARDO FUCKING PEREZ.

The Mariners are rebuilding. They’re also very talented. Part of being very young is being inconsistent. Part of being very good is being very good. The Mariners are very good some of the time. They’re inconsistent.

They did lost to a guy who has been noted for having eaten fried chicken, drinking beer, and playing golf in the last year. It’s like John Daly took the mound for the majority of two years, and today he let Josh Beckett out of whatever false prison he has had him locked in since 2007 and said “Hey dude, we’re in a recession, go earn our money.”

I just thought of John Daly in baseball pants. The sacrifices I make for this website.

For the next two weeks or more I’ll be helping my old middle school baseball coach (my shoulder is sore) and I will become better when I have time again. Until they’ll I’ll suck like always.

  • Anonymous

    Jeeze, I know the feeling.  My new goal for this season is to see them avoid 90 losses rather than end up at .500.  It’s starting to look like they have a less than ,500 chance of avoiding 90 losses.