Oakland signs Manny

Cover your head the sky is falling! The A’s signed Man-Ram! Manny Ramirez has 12 All Star appearances, and 555 home runs, the Mariners are screwed!

JK Guys (and Girls, don’t get me or my headline writer (also me) fired (I bet you don’t see a lot of double parentheses)). Manny probably isn’t good anymore. Since he got suspended for taking a woman’s fertility medication while he played for the Dodgers, he has been downright human. He retired after playing only five games with the Rays last year, facing yet another suspension. He was a good player in 2010 (138 wRC+ in 320 plate appearances), but he will be about a year-and-a-half removed from that when he suits up for the first time this year, and that much farther from his prime, as he still must serve the suspension he ducked by retiring, though it has been reduced by 50 games.

The $500K the A’s will spend on his is low-risk, and I mean, he’s still Manny Ramirez. It’s basically a no-brainer to sign him to a deal like this.

But this is almost non-news. Wake me up in 50 games. Worse news is that Raul Ibanez is a Yankee. Ew.