I don’t even really hate the Vancouver Whitecaps

For the sake of not trying to be too cute or try to hard to be witty I think it would be best for me to just get to the point, besides, I’m in a writing funk right now as it is anyways.

The Sounders FC are doing a horrible job of marketing the rivalry with the Vancouver Whitecaps. It’s almost like they don’t even really want there to be one.

Let’s be real here, the vast majority of the 36,000 people that go to Qwest Field weren’t there in the Kingdome in the mid to late 70’s when the old NASL rivalries were formed with Vancouver or Portland. Hell, I’d bet most of those fans didn’t even know the Sounders existed before this decade. And most weren’t there eight or nine years ago when the three pacific Northwest sides were battling in the lesser known, lesser regarded United Soccer league.

I’ll admit, I wasn’t one that paid much attention to it either. I was too busy watching my national team get eliminated from the World Cup by an African country I can’t even locate on a f**king map.

But I got into Major League Soccer, and the Sounders FC, real fast. It wasn’t hard at all for me to acclimate to the life of being a supporter, in fact I was wondering why the hell I didn’t do it sooner. I was missing out.

It also wasn’t hard for me to pick up on why the Portland Timbers could all go to hell.

This is a rivalry that transcends rivalries. As Washingtonians we already have the predisposition to hate anything Oregon, especially when it comes in a package that’s piss yellow and vomit green and represents something that’s been Rose Bowl-less since the Woodrow Wilson administration.

This rivalry pits the two best fan bases in the country against each other. The Emerald City Supporters and Timbers Army set the bar when it comes to soccer support in the United States. When the Timbers came to Seattle they came 500 strong and could be heard singing from across the stadium.

There is no love lost between these fan bases. Violence is more or less expected.  ECS threatened to kick out any member who started any kind trouble before the match.

Good thing I had to work that afternoon.

Qwest Field security was so worried about an altercation that I was stopped because the state of Washington flag I was sporting almost resembled Timbers colors.

In July we will return the favor in their dump of a used to be baseball field stadium, and if all goes as planned I’ll be too inebriated to remember the bus ride home.

But then there’s Vancouver. The ‘other’ rival. The red headed step child of the Cascadia rivalry. The only thing I’m looking forward about this rivalry is when I go up there for the game in September and being able to drink with a cheap stripper on my lap. Hell, it’s Canada. Who in their right mind has a rivalry with Canada? We should either feel sorry for them for being…Canadian, or just laugh at the fact that they think they’re even relevant in the World.

If Vancouver wants a real rivalry they should probably try to get a cheap red card or two, otherwise it will just be fun to watch the Sounders mop the floor with them and get three easy points.

But hey, I hear they’re alright at Hockey.